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Over 50? Who Cares!

Today I came across this article and it got me thinking.

https://www.nowtolove.com.au/lifestyle/daily-life/women-over-50-58209

Over the years, I often heard my mother speak about ‘feeling invisible’. Of course, what she meant  was that when you reach a certain age – people stop ‘seeing’ you. You become that older ‘person’ that is past there prime and no longer a head turner or someone to be noticed.

Over 50? What’s the issue.

In my 20’s, I couldn’t really understand the concept. In my 30’s, I kind of could but thought that if you’re in a committed, loving relationship why would I care who else looks at me? Now that I am in my 50’s, I am pleased to say that I still don’t care whether I am invisible to those that I don’t know or care what they do or don’t think of me. I’m loving being in a place where such things don’t matter.

But, clearly I am in the minority as I did a bit more looking around and found tonnes of articles about ‘Women over 50’. Why not men over 50?

Knowing What’s Important?

I am the first to acknowledge the glass ceilings and sexual bias that is in the workplace. Any woman that works has seen it. It doesn’t matter if that is in corporate offices or women building houses. It is all the same. There will always be a gender bias whilst there are men and women on the planet. 

Admittedly (for most people) the divide isn’t as big as it used to be. More and more women are taking their spots in the Boardroom and doing better than a lot of other men in the workplace. I’m proud to say that in a lot of cases we are showing men up – in a good way. Taking our power back.

But, then I read articles like this about how we’re (women) not invisible and am reminded about how much and how often the smallest slights hold women back. In a lot of cases, stopping women from using their voice to find their place!

I know that it sounds like I’m mad. But I’m not. I’m not even sad about it. But I do acknowledge it.

I acknowledge that there is still a lot of sexual discrimination in the world with women taking the brunt of the negative side affects. All of us women should stand up to protect each other when we see it (and should but usually don’t) but we can also choose a different path.

I may not be sad or mad but I am also choosing how I react to this over 50 bullocks. I’m choosing to focus on what’s important. And that’s living my life my way and not getting dragged down or aged before my time because the media or society decrees it’s a ‘thing’.

Having The Confidence To Shine At Any Age!

Unlike my 20’s, in my 50’s I am more confident, bolder, less likely to take shit, more financially secure, more in control of my life and how I choose to feel – not all the time but far from my self indulgent 20’s! It would have been nice to feel like this my whole life but the truth is – most of us never achieve that. We spend our whole lives trying to find that missing piece or trying to be someone we’re not.

My plan is to make sure that I spend the rest of my life shining – irrespective of what my age is! I don’t believe that the opinion of others or social barriers placed on our societies (and ourselves subconsciously or otherwise) have any hold on me. 

There is no doubt that one of my main drivers to escape the corporate world was because of glass ceilings and men thinking that they can do a better job simply because they are men. But, I have to say that these days – women can be just as bad. Some women in the workplace have decided it’s a good idea to emulate the behaviours of men. But, how does that benefit the global consciousness or anyone for that matter? Trying to be more masculine because it seems to be the way to get ahead is as inauthentic as it gets and harmful to self.

I spend more time online now than I ever have. I read, listen to audios, belong to forums, belong to groups and participate in a lot of group training. It’s scary how there seems to be a common theme. Women having to support other women (and ourselves) to use our voices more. To be all that we were meant to be. 

There is no denying that most of us (in this generation) have been conditioned (to a degree) to kow tow to men. Conditioned to believe that we are invisible when we get to a certain age. That our opinion doesn’t count. But, it’s all BRULE’s!

BRULE’s – Bullshit Rule’s

Vishen Lakhiani – Code of the Extraordinary Mind

See the Brules article here.

Vishen Lakhiani – Code of the Extraordinary Mind

It’s time to stop copying the behaviours of men (or anyone else for that matter) and use our own voices to be authentic and be vulnerable when we need to be – without fear.

Don’t Get Me Wrong. I Love Men!

Seriously. I don’t want to be seen as that man hating liberalist female that refuses to shave my armpits or step through doors when a man opens it for me. There’s nothing wrong with that but it’s not for me. 

Men are awesome and have held a very strong and valuable place in our lives, in our societies – building our cities, staving off invaders, hunting and gathering, helping to care for our families – being great men! 

The stereotypical qualities of men have been needed. Men (and women) have needed these qualities to survive. I’m just not sure that we should try to be more like the ‘stereotypical’ men. There’s a reason we are different and women will shine the brightest when we do it our way.

Maybe, we just need to try and rub off on the stereotypical men folk a bit more, lead more and voice more. 

Lead by doing and being vulnerable. Let the world know it’s safe.

Finding Balance

I follow so many great men and women online as I am sure everyone does. But, as in everything there are stereotypical men and stereotypical women that will fight hard to keep the status quo because they don’t know any other way.

We in the know need to step up. We need to find a balance as our most authentic selves. Stop competing and realise that we can all choose the path we want to be on. 

No more glass ceilings, sexist jokes or barriers for me!

Forgiveness Makes Me Feel Free And Light! Why Forgiveness Is Important.

It’s taken me a while but I have finally realised that I need to do some forgiveness work!

Earlier in the week, I was openly complaining (which I generally don’t do) to a very good friend of mine who is a healer with a direct connection to Source. I was complaining about the fact that my J-O-B wasn’t fulfilling anymore and that I just wanted to be able to focus 100% of my energy on building my business and developing spiritually. The message I got was not what I wanted to hear.

Basically, spirit said that the timing for my business wasn’t quite right yet and that I still had blocks that are preventing me from being where I think I really want to be. Which is, writing on a full time basis and helping as many people as I can free themselves from the same yolk that I still find myself in. Apart from the fact that I know I need to see my job in a more positive light (provides for my family, gives me a good income etc etc, after doing a bit of soul searching I think that there is another block that is holding me back even more. 

That is forgiveness. Or lack thereof.

Forgiveness – An Overlooked Manifesting Tool?

In the center of my vision board that hangs next to my desk, is a picture of a beautiful hilly landscape with the sun rays over it with the words:

I stare at my vision board often but that particular visual is one that I often overlook. 

At the moment, I’m on a Mindvalley Quest Life Vision Mastery with Michael Beckwith. Today’s unit was on forgiveness which is what got me to thinking about why I don’t apply this to my daily life. 

All of the books that I have read tell me that I should but consciously, I have chosen not to in the past. My thing has always been that we need to move on, not dwell in the past and let ‘stuff’ go. I have also never been big on holding grudges – ever since I was little. But, I am learning to re-think that in order to grow.

Our hurts affect us even when we think that we have moved on. Even if you think that you have moved on from the ‘thing’ that you need to forgive, it’s probably time to think again. It’s likely that just ‘moving on’ isn’t enough and there is more that needs to be done to clear the after affects of not actively forgiving. If not, then the ‘un-forgiveness’ becomes a block, stops us from being aligned with who we truly came here to be and simply doesn’t feel good.

I’m not about to start holding grudges or revisiting all of the pain in my life but I am going to start addressing forgiveness with verve! Here’s why.

My Affirmation – Forgiveness Makes Me Feel Free And Light

Since doing the exercises and unit of the Vision Mastery Quest which began with a forgiveness meditation, I have been repeating “Forgiveness makes me feel free and light in my head all day. And, guess what? I am feeling lighter!

Forgiveness frees us from the resentment of the past.

It feels like someone has lifted a sack of flour off my back and I am most certainly feeling happier. Who knew, that feeling better can be as easy as just deciding to forgive something or someone from the past?

This is definitely something that I plan to add into my daily routine. 

But, the scary thing is that I already knew that forgiveness was something that was needed to grow. Why didn’t I do more about it earlier? Not 100% sure but I think it is likely because of my ego. Not wanting to change or still living with the BRULE’s that have been learnt over the years and held on to. Like the blame game, finger pointing and how you have to hold on to the resentment to stop anyone else from doing the same thing to you again in the future. 

I now choose forgiveness. I choose to forgive but not forget.

We Don’t Have To Let Anyone Off The Hook

I’m relieved to see and read that people far more worldly and wise than I believe that you don’t need to let any wrongdoers off the hook to invest yourself in forgiveness. This is probably one of the biggest sticking points I have had because forgiving felt like losing. But, it’s not!

The Dalai Lama in ‘The Book Of Joy’ notes that “forgiveness does not mean we forget. You should remember the negative thing, but because there is a possibility to develop hatred, we musn’t allow ourselves to be led in that direction – we choose forgiveness.”

He goes on to say:

“…there is an important distinction between forgiveness and simply allowing others wrongdoing. Sometimes people misunderstand and think forgiveness means you accept or approve of the wrongdoing.

I love this. We have to be able to learn from past experiences but move on with grace and ease. Using tools like meditation to help you move on is essential but as I have experienced, just deciding to forgive and reinforcing with affirmations is particularly powerful as well.

Forgiveness Gives Your Power Back!

Forgiving the person or the act is the power we that we take back for ourselves – it has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. Tony Robbins often quotes Nelson Mandela:

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
― Nelson Mandela 

Michael Beckwith takes this idea a step further by saying that “all forgiveness is self forgiveness”. Which means that when we forgive another, we are freeing ourselves by releasing the toxins that stem from unforgiveness. I am a firm believer that our thoughts make us sick.

Why should we continue to allow someone or something to do that to us? If the person or thing really happened out of intentional cruelty, then we are truly giving our power over to them/it and perpetuating it daily – if we don’t forgive.

Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself.

Vishen Lakhiani also found that alpha brain waves spike during meditation when you truly forgive. He learnt through his experience with the 40 Years of Zen Programme. According to Vishen, because of the research that the founders of 40 Years of Zen had done on studying billionaires, intuitives, creatives, monks and mystics that forgiveness is the key to personal growth. Vishen attended the programme to improve thinking and creativity skills and experience deeper levels of meditation. But, ultimately it was forgiving that improved all of the above. 

Pretty amazing stuff – but again, I knew this. I read The Code Of The Extraordinary Mind months ago. Did I dedicate any time or contemplation to forgiveness? No! Bloody ego strikes again!

So How Do We Start To Forgive?

Michael Beckwith says that there are two aspects of forgiveness that we need to address to free ourselves:

  1. Forgiving ourselves
  2. Forgiving others
  3. pic/Idea 4

He also teaches that there are four stages to release our resentment.

  1. Be willing to forgive.
  2. Practice forgiveness – meditation, affirmations or mantras.
  3. Be willing to see things from the other persons perspective.
  4. Wish them well.
  5. Do something symbolically to send positive energy to them.

My Favourite Forgiveness Quotes

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.”

Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

Martin Luther King Jr

“I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.”

C. S Lewis

The Choice Is Ours

For a long time now, I have known that our life is a reflection of the choices we have made in the past. I have been choosing different thought patterns for a long time now too so that my future is way brighter than my past. Now that I have had this ‘AHA’ finally, I’m choosing the very best thing for me so I can move on positively.

We have to love ourselves enough to forgive everything.

This is the mantra that my very good friend and healer Judy Seiler gave me: