My Spiritual Baby Steps
How and Why I got here
I have been interested in spirituality (I didn’t know it was called this when I was little) from childhood. I used to sneak into my parents room to read the ‘secret’ witchcraft magazines my Mum had. The freaky pictures on the front cover used to scare me but fascinate me at the same time. They often involved nudity, so there was something a bit naughty as well. The mysterious shapes and words in those magazines set me on a life of seeking that I will never regret.
What I do regret is that I have tried various ‘things’ in my life in an attempt to elevate my spiritual ‘powers’ but nothing has ever seemed to work. Well, certainly not from my (then) very limited, blocked and low vibe existence. The first attempt was doing Seances. That didn’t work but it bloody freaked me out! I tried meditation. That didn’t work. I tried reiki. That didn’t work. In fact, I came away from that experience feeling worse than ever because my “trauma” made the healer cry uncontrollably for the entire session!
I tried getting guidance from ‘psychics’ and ‘healers’. Not realising that some of them are absolute frauds! Needless to say, that didn’t work. I even went to one Quack that told me I had died in a previous life on the rack so I needed to have my shoulders spun around my body for an hour and a half to release that trauma(it may be true but who knows – it didn’t help). All that left me with was a life time of gammy shoulders that click all the time from a repetitive strain injury. Go figure.
The Lead Up
I started reading everything I could get my hands on that related to spiritual
ity in an attempt to try and understand how to get where other more exalted and clearly luckier beings than me had got to. I read about The Celestine Prophecy (yes, it was that long ago), Post Death Experiences (PDE’s), Euthanasia, Past Lives, After Life, Paganism, Reincarnation (a big one), Regression Therapy, everything Paranormal or Esoteric, Satanism (fascinated me for years), Demonology, Entities, Witchcraft. Even the motivation of Serial Killers. You get the point. I studied lots. Fixated would be an understatement. I know my shit.
All that lead to was a decade of taking truck loads of A and B class drugs, watching lots of mind altering and disturbing movies (the worse the better), hanging out with criminals and dimming down because that’s what you are supposed to do. Right?
Emotional and spiritual growth fully retarded, I worked. I still read a bit but I was more interested in my boyfriend, taking drugs, dramas and partying than anything else. Fiction became the read of choice.
During that time, the internet took off. I became a sole parent to my daughter. Drug phase over. Raise daughter, work, struggle. Raise daughter, work, start full time Uni, struggle. Raise school age daughter, work, continue Uni, struggle. Raise daughter, complete Uni, work, struggle. Meet my lovely partner of 14 years and his daughter, continue to raise children, buy house, work, struggle. As you have probably guessed, I like to be repetitive. Again, you get the point. No time for internalising.
Well, that was until I started back on the dedicated trip to Enlightenment! In the years that I had opted out, the internet took off and there was such a vast amount of information it boggled the brain. Worse! Heaps of people had learnt the knack of tuning in and had created courses to help people like me! So much information. Down the rabbit hole!
Stage 2 Search for Meaning – My Paralysis Analysis:
Mantra’s, Meditation, Affirmations, contemplation, Subliminal re-programming, Prayer, Channelling, Higher consciousness, Dhammapada, Faith healing, Fasting, Chanting, Awakening, Inner peace, Karma, Buddhism, Metaphysics, Law of Attraction, Miracles, New age, Paganism, Qigong, rituals, Shamanism, Shinto, Transcendentalism, Yin Yang, Spiritual healing, Lucid dreaming, Mirror work, Angel healing, Crystal healing, Conversations with God, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Then, don’t get me started on my favourite authors that all have a different version of the truth – their truth. All awesome, interesting, motivational stuff. But, where the hell do you start? I certainly don’t have the time to devote my life to spiritual practice. Oh no! More spiritual rabbit hole. But, this time I am ducking for cover and running to bury my head in the sand. Still reading though. Analysis paralysis.
Then, a breath of fresh air. I met a wonderful healer by the name of Judy Seiler who also lives in New Zealand but heals Internationally. Judy has been working with me for about three years and I have to say she (and her connection to Spirit) have been my saving grace. She has put me back together to the point where I am now focused enough to explore my own path as well in a more structured way.
So, the 90 day journey begins out of sheer bloody frustration and because of the common themes that my research steered me in (what I consider to be) the right direction. Hopefully, this will help others that are in the same boat as me.